For the past 6 or so months I've been feeling a sense of loss in my photography. I wasn't inspired, I didn't want to pick up my camera, and so I didn't. Shoots were few and far between, and yet, I didn't mind, because I didn't want them. I didn't think I could produce anything good enough, so I didn't even want to try. My camera was/is slowly failing too, so that didn't help much.
During this time, other areas of my life went through big changes that needed my attention and emotional energy. Work, home, church, health - all these things changed, and my art took a backseat to it all.
Lately I've been earning enough money to start thinking about getting a new camera. And even though I know it's not about the camera, this small spark of movement towards photography again has rekindled in me my long lost love for art. It fanned the flames of dreams and ideas I had long ago, and now my pen can't keep up with my mind as I spend hours filling journals with these thoughts and desires.
Things are changing again. Though, unlike the last 6 months where the changes have been physical, I feel it deeper this time. In my soul. There is no other word for the place where I feel this overwhelming growing, moving, breathing, living thing inside me. My passion for photography is just one part of that.
I am terrified of this new adventure I see mapped out before me. Too many times my most inspired dreams have been given legs that didn't take them past the first step before they died. I don't want that to happen here.
In climbing, if you mess up a few moves, it can throw you all out of sequence and make it very difficult to keep going smoothly to the top. One time this happened, my workmate/friend told me to stop thinking about the moves I messed up, forget about what I just climbed. All I had to do was focus on the next move. You're here, at this point, what do you have to do to get to the next one? Don't worry about what you got wrong, you got here, so just think about how you're going to take the next step. You can start over from the middle of a climb.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm starting small, I'm forgetting the mistakes I've made, and focusing on the next move.
I know I've been called to be a photographer. I know it's what God wants me to do with my life. I feel like I've got fresh wind breathed into my sails, and I'm ready to go. I can't wait to share this new part of the journey with you.