I love to write. I always have. The word "author" has even been spoken prophetically over my life. Since I was a little girl I have been a writer and a bookworm. I remember when I was about 6 years old I wrote a story about some woodland creatures and fairies planning a birthday party (I think for a rabbit) around an old tree stump. I wish I still had it. My teachers also always found it hard to find words that I couldn't spell or read. Their praise embarrassed shy little me, so I used to pretend that I couldn't spell. But then I would get upset when they noticed because I knew I was better than that.
Lately I have wanted to write more, and write more freely, but I am still that little girl too shy to showcase her art or her heart. I heard somewhere that writing is 20% inspiration and 80% muscle. I prefer to write (and share) only when I am inspired, because then I know it has nothing to do with me or my "talent", all the glory is to my Creator and inspiration, and there will be no embarrassing attention drawn to myself or my heart.
However, right now, all I have is 20%. I could hardly even call it inspiration. It just is what it is. A fact.
I am going to America.
For the month of October.
That's what I'm staring at. My blank canvas. It is screaming at me to be filled with... something. But what? That is my question.
I have no idea.
What I do know is that I see the canvas and I don't dare to dream that it is worth anything more than to be scribbled on with crayons, or dare to dream I am capable of anything more. Because I am not going to America to save souls, feed the hungry, or give to the poor. My trip is 100% selfish. I'm going because I want to.
But am I really content to sit back and nod silently with imaginary others who critique my blank canvas as worthy of temporary refrigerator art? A mere holiday that will come and go? Or do I, once again, know that I am better than that?
I look back at my journey over the last four years (since I was there last) and I can see signposts that lead the way... to here and now. It all leads here. Whether it is of my own doing or the fact that I simply exist as a leaf in the Wind (Psalm 37:23), I have come to this. At 24 years old, I have come to this.
14-15 “And now, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ll give her bouquets of roses. I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She’ll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.
It's a charmed life / Innocence wild / Crayola skies for a thousand miles.
Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
Life has been a bit colourful lately :) I have been getting out of the house on my days off and spending time in the warming weather.
I've been to the beach three times in the past two weeks. The first trip I went kayaking with my friend Jess. It was so. much. fun. I guess with all of my climbing I have pretty strong arms, so I seriously enjoyed the workout. So much so that I want to buy a kayak soon :) We also found a sweet little store called J Vintage Retro.
My second trip was a cool, grey, windy day with my cousin Rachel. We sat on the sand anyway and had a good time hanging out and chatting. Isn't her hair pretty!?
And the third was with Laura. We went op-shopping, hiked through the beautiful national park, were breath-taken at the views, and foraged for treasures on the beach. I picked up a lot of driftwood, coral and shells and hope to make dreamcatchers like the ones I photographed at J Vintage Retro.
While Laura and I stood outside this store deciding which ice blocks to get (I had pomegranate and blueberry, Laura got the watermelon and lime zest!) an old hippy man kept smiling at us through the window. Every time I looked up he was still smiling at us, so I smiled back. Eventually he came out of the store and handed us both a lavender flower and told us to have a nice day :) (I wish I'd had the guts to take his photo!)
Another recent adventure was horse riding with my friend and workmate Tara. My country heart needs to escape like this more often. We had lunch at the local pub, and checked out a cute vintage store before going on our trail ride. Again, while we were at the pub, I wished that I had the guts to take photos of the people that worked there, but I couldn't do it. Just before we left though, the chef, Nick, saw me with my camera and asked if I wanted to take his picture! :) (I am going to send it to him :))
Then, a couple of days ago, on a whim I decided to go for a drive up Mt Glorious, and take a short hike. I climbed halfway down a waterfall and sat on the edge with music and a notebook, and leaves falling all around me. My soul rested.
Sometimes, when I'm bored or lonely, I wish my life was different, more colourful, more adventurous, more magical. So this is me, making that happen. Living the life I wish that I lived. Being who I want to be, doing what makes me come alive.