I WANT TO SLEEP, BUT MY RIGHT-BRAIN WON'T LET ME

It’s after 10.30pm, and I must admit, I wish I were showering and/or sleeping. I was so looking forward to standing under the rushing water, letting the cares and worries of the day run down the drain for at least five minutes, tumbling into my cute little Ikea bed and letting my pillow and blankets hug me to sleep, the hum of my fan calming my thoughts, and then praying Jesus please give me good dreams.

But, it’s usually these times, when I know I have to wake early in the morning for the gym, work or something else (Courtney arrives on a plane in the morning!) that I can’t sleep. I know I have a nocturnal right-brain, but it’s like it knows when to spring into action, and when it’s really going to annoy me.

In any case, I’m having a massive creative explosion happening up. in. here! And I have to write it down or it will settle on the floor and get swept up like confetti after a party.

I am itching to get my hands on my new camera. It’s so close; I can almost feel it. It’s like I am about to reawaken these gifts and dreams I had a time ago, the ones that hid their shy, sad, frustrated faces when work slowed down, financial needs got bigger, and the old camera started to get sluggish. I feel like my dreams have new life, and I want to run at them with everything inside me.

I want to give more.

I’m still figuring it all out, pen on paper, in my journal. Before I tell on the blog I want it to be solid and doable, but by telling you this much now, I am accountable to see this new adventure through and to finish it. It will get done. And I promise to keep you all updated.

Good night! x

DADDY'S CHURCH

Just had to share this iPhone photo from Stanthorpe. It was my dad's church when I was a baby and we lived in Stanthorpe. It's now someone's house! Isn't it CUTE!? I want to live there! :)

STANTHORPE AGAIN

Last weekend we drove to Stanthorpe to introduce Daniel to his great-grandparents and extended family. Whenever I go back there, I feel a little bit more each time that I could live there again. I am a country girl, and I miss living in a small town. I stood out on the verandah and felt the cold wind blowing so strongly, with no buildings blocking its way and no scent of traffic or pollution, and I felt home.

Before we left, we stopped by my grandparents old house on the next property. It's been neglected and fallen into disrepair. It was really sad to see it, the base of so many memories, Christmases especially. There used to be a vineyard, orchards and pine trees as well. Now it is a bean farm, and the forest that we used to walk through to go swimming/fishing in the river is gone. I wish I could buy the place and fix it up. I want it to stay in the family.

DREAMING

For the past 6 or so months I've been feeling a sense of loss in my photography. I wasn't inspired, I didn't want to pick up my camera, and so I didn't. Shoots were few and far between, and yet, I didn't mind, because I didn't want them. I didn't think I could produce anything good enough, so I didn't even want to try. My camera was/is slowly failing too, so that didn't help much.

During this time, other areas of my life went through big changes that needed my attention and emotional energy. Work, home, church, health - all these things changed, and my art took a backseat to it all.

Lately I've been earning enough money to start thinking about getting a new camera. And even though I know it's not about the camera, this small spark of movement towards photography again has rekindled in me my long lost love for art. It fanned the flames of dreams and ideas I had long ago, and now my pen can't keep up with my mind as I spend hours filling journals with these thoughts and desires.

Things are changing again. Though, unlike the last 6 months where the changes have been physical, I feel it deeper this time. In my soul. There is no other word for the place where I feel this overwhelming growing, moving, breathing, living thing inside me. My passion for photography is just one part of that.

I am terrified of this new adventure I see mapped out before me. Too many times my most inspired dreams have been given legs that didn't take them past the first step before they died. I don't want that to happen here.

In climbing, if you mess up a few moves, it can throw you all out of sequence and make it very difficult to keep going smoothly to the top. One time this happened, my workmate/friend told me to stop thinking about the moves I messed up, forget about what I just climbed. All I had to do was focus on the next move. You're here, at this point, what do you have to do to get to the next one? Don't worry about what you got wrong, you got here, so just think about how you're going to take the next step. You can start over from the middle of a climb.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm starting small, I'm forgetting the mistakes I've made, and focusing on the next move.

I know I've been called to be a photographer. I know it's what God wants me to do with my life. I feel like I've got fresh wind breathed into my sails, and I'm ready to go. I can't wait to share this new part of the journey with you.

#3, #4, #5

So, this was originally a video I made of myself lead climbing, but I ended up climbing it really, really badly, so I saved a few stills from it instead to maintain the illusion that I am a good climber ;)

My friends/workmates surprised me after work one day last week by teaching me to lead climb! It was so much fun and SO scary! I took a pretty big fall with lots of slack on what was maybe my fourth lead climb, which apparently is one of the scariest things you can do, so it's all uphill from here! :)

I have also completed #3 and #4 on my list - green overhang and red climbs. My hands will never be soft and pretty again, but I don't mind. I love climbing, and the fact that I get to work there too! :)